The worst thing in this issue, is the fact that MM was cynical. Until the end. When I was in Salamanca, between 2001 and 2002 for my "humanidades", I remember that I suffered a lot: we were reduced to be poor numbers in the crow, the life was very demanding: cold, humiliations and lack of sleep... I was already 24 years old, but I was very preoccupated by all the novices, very young, coming from latin America and who did not know anything but the Legion, since they joined an apostolic school at the age of 11. I was thinking in myself: poor young boys... do they have still some liberty?
In the middle of the year, MM came in Salamanca, to visit the center. He gave us some lectures. When he began the first one, he said he wanted to make us listen to something. A song began. It was a mexican song with words that spoke about a sad clown 'payaso triste' and deal like: "In a chest of vulgar hypocrisy, before the people I hide my defeat. A clown with a joyful face, but I have inside of me a broken soul (...) Clown, I am a sad clown, who hide my failure with laughter and joy, that fill me of horror"After the song, he began to speak about those poor and wretched brothers, unable to be consistent with their vocation, who were lying to themselves and had a double life... during a while he spoke getting more and more upset. He spoke about the ultimate consequences of our lake of self-donation. He spoke about damnation. We could not critize, of course. He was the saint, and we were not. Coming from anyone else, I would have react very strongly, but he was the saint! I was feeling guilty. This conference frightened me lot... because, all of us have some sins we don't succeed to get rid of.. but this the goal of le life to purificate that.
On the next conference, he read publicly a personal message from a brother who was doubting about his vocation. After breathing with contempt, he became upset very quickly and sent some curses upon the wrecked brother, unconsistent... who was not fulfilling the will of God! I still remember this moment with horror. Poor brother! I remember that MM said, being very angry, at a certain point:"But, go out! As I always said: the doors of the Legion are always open". Who could do it? After this curse. After the terrible words of "Nuestro Padre"?Why God did inspire such thoughts to him? Certainly the Holy Spirit had told him those words to help us... but this vision of God frightened me.
Since I left the Legion, I still feel pain to recover a true image of merciful God. But it is well known: the sinner juge the others as he is. MM was inspired by his own sins. I do not know if he had DID or not, but in all cases, I know he was cynical. And this is somehow diabolical.