Tuesday, August 25, 2009

There are no words...

From the combox of this blog. The comment is unedited, as written by "The French":

The worst thing in this issue, is the fact that MM was cynical. Until the end. When I was in Salamanca, between 2001 and 2002 for my "humanidades", I remember that I suffered a lot: we were reduced to be poor numbers in the crow, the life was very demanding: cold, humiliations and lack of sleep... I was already 24 years old, but I was very preoccupated by all the novices, very young, coming from latin America and who did not know anything but the Legion, since they joined an apostolic school at the age of 11. I was thinking in myself: poor young boys... do they have still some liberty?

In the middle of the year, MM came in Salamanca, to visit the center. He gave us some lectures. When he began the first one, he said he wanted to make us listen to something. A song began. It was a mexican song with words that spoke about a sad clown 'payaso triste' and deal like: "In a chest of vulgar hypocrisy, before the people I hide my defeat. A clown with a joyful face, but I have inside of me a broken soul (...) Clown, I am a sad clown, who hide my failure with laughter and joy, that fill me of horror"After the song, he began to speak about those poor and wretched brothers, unable to be consistent with their vocation, who were lying to themselves and had a double life... during a while he spoke getting more and more upset. He spoke about the ultimate consequences of our lake of self-donation. He spoke about damnation. We could not critize, of course. He was the saint, and we were not. Coming from anyone else, I would have react very strongly, but he was the saint! I was feeling guilty. This conference frightened me lot... because, all of us have some sins we don't succeed to get rid of.. but this the goal of le life to purificate that.

On the next conference, he read publicly a personal message from a brother who was doubting about his vocation. After breathing with contempt, he became upset very quickly and sent some curses upon the wrecked brother, unconsistent... who was not fulfilling the will of God! I still remember this moment with horror. Poor brother! I remember that MM said, being very angry, at a certain point:"But, go out! As I always said: the doors of the Legion are always open". Who could do it? After this curse. After the terrible words of "Nuestro Padre"?Why God did inspire such thoughts to him? Certainly the Holy Spirit had told him those words to help us... but this vision of God frightened me.

Since I left the Legion, I still feel pain to recover a true image of merciful God. But it is well known: the sinner juge the others as he is. MM was inspired by his own sins. I do not know if he had DID or not, but in all cases, I know he was cynical. And this is somehow diabolical.


Anonymous said...

Man, I just love these photoshops. Please make the "family photo" to the right clickable so I can see it bigger!

Anonymous said...

I have, and probably many LCs and xLCs, have lived similar experiences with "NP" ("Nuestro pederasta"). Who would that poor brother be, that out of love and sincerity poured out his heart to have it smashed publically, even if his name was not mentioned? That has happened to me one time, when I wrote a long letter telling NP my vocation story. My name was kept anonymous before the community, but I was derided as egocentrically sending him a whole 7 or so pages to read. There is an irony here. I had taken as inspiration some of his own self-absorbed letters, so that the judgment on my letter rebounds right back on NP! Aside from this episode, I can recall other moments in my itinerary in which I had to hear him bad mouth fathers or brothers in a way that I thought was way over the top, and irrational in that it was not helpful. These experiences had this benefit: I did not like NP and that protected me from ever becoming close with him.
Oh, finally I remember this done to brothers in "crisis" (i.e., who wanted to leave the LC) by superiors other than NP. It's LC methodology by which the "saint" corrupted the superiors, and morally caged or tried to cage persons in a vocation that probably was not theirs anyway. Respect the freedom of the brothers! Do not force ANY vocation on anyone, least of all your charges under God.
Edmond Ritter

Recovering from RC said...

Horrific! I'm so sorry for all the suffering inflicted by Maciel. This is from from today's NT reading (or "What a REAL saint is like"):

"For the appeal we make does not spring from error or IMPURE MOTIVES, nor are we trying to TRICK you. On the contrary, we speak as men approved by God to be entrusted with the Gospel. We are not trying to PLEASE MEN but God, who tests our HEARTS. You know that we never used FLATTERY, nor did we put on a MASK TO COVER UP GREED - God is our witness. We were not looking for PRAISE FROM MEN, not from you or anyone else. As apostles of Christ we could have been a burden to you, but we were GENTLE AMONG YOU, like a morther caring for her little children." I Thess 2:3-7

How's that for the antithesis of "Nuestro Padre"?? Now that I'm out, I believe that so little emphasis is placed on the Epistles in RC(yes, I was once told that only 2nd degree should read them!) because St. Paul's writings expose the fraud of Maciel. I Corinithians 3 on divisions in the church confirmed my decision to get out.

Incidentally, today's verses gave me the courage to finally explain to my daughter that Fr. Maciel was really a wicked man who tricked people into thinking he was holy. Her eyes were wide, and she said, "Ohhhhh..." That's enough for now - she's only 9! But I feel the need to start undoing the awe that we all had for the LC's & the imprint on her mind of visiting Cheshire. Anyway... I digress. St. Paul, pray for us!

Anonymous said...

My heart goes out to you... This tale happens time and time again in any group where the founder is "exalted". It is also a characteristic of the Army of Mary, a lay movement so similar to the RC. I just want to tell you, brother, hang in there. Cling to Scripture and the Magisterium... As St. Peter says so beautifully, "Cast all your cares on Him, for he CARES for you". All the fear inspired by MM is just rubbish !

Jeannette said...

And today's Gospel, too (BTW, it was explained to me that the Pharisees strained gnats out of their grains, flour etc because they didn't want to eat those unclean animals). The 32 pages or so on how to eat always reminded me of this passage, tithing cumin but ignoring mercy.

Anonymous said...

How different the true Gospel model of Jesus Christ! Cf John 6:60-68.

"On hearing it [Christ's preaching on the Bread of Life, i.e., the Eucharist), many of his disciples were grumbling about this, Jesus said to them, 'Does this offend you?... Yet there are some of you who do not believe... This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father draws him.'"

Note: the Father draws, and Jesus recognizes, does not force the vocation but receives it as a gift from the Father. Furthermore, He does not try to trap into the vocation, but even challenges them to leave if they don't like it...

"From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.
'You, do you not want to leave me too?' He asked the Twelve.
Simon Peter answered him, 'Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God!"

So the vocations that stay are free to leave, and stay on the basis of their own conviction, not group pressure, not humiliation the Christ uses on the to coerce them to be generous.

No small contrast.


Still RC - For Now, Anyway said...

ER, Christ is talking about Himself here (manifest in the Eucharist) - you don't need the LC to continue receiving Christ and acting in personna Christi. Please don't confuse Christ and the Legion.

"You are a priest forever, in the order of Melchizedek." Hebrews 7:17

- and NOT in the order of Maciel

Johnny Apple said...

C'mon Exlcblogger, you're insulting the Emperor. He was a corrupt tyrant, but he wasn't a child molester, drug addict, mafioso who portrayed himself as a saint. Palpatine is a good guy compared to Darth Maciel.

Anonymous said...

A friend of mine who was consecrated said she never experienced this side of Maciel. For whatever reason, he controlled his temper around them, or at least the times she saw him.

She did say she suspected that one older consecrated may have been abused sexually ... by Maciel or someone else.

She said this b/c she once divulged in spiritual direction that she had "touched herself" -- probably a result of being so sexually repressed -- and the directress -- one of the first ones -- told her she didn't do anything wrong. Her hand did, but not her, and she couldn't be responsible for what her hand did (like we have no control over our hands!!)

I wonder where the spiritual directress learned such a messed up way to deal with these issues and brush them up under the carpet?

Don said...

Why did your friend divulge her sin to a lay women (3gf) in spiritual direction? They do not have the ability to hear confession, nor do they have the canonical restrictions prohibiting them from ever divulging what they heard. This sounds like something the visitators should hear about.

LOL! said...

"I didn't do it my hand did it".

These are the real words of my (then) 4-year old - probably when she broke something (I don't recall exactly what the infraction was, but the excuse was memorable).

At the time my husband and I laughed that she had the logic and maturity of Bill Clinton. I now realize she obviously had an early vocation to the consecrated life - and might even be destined to become a directress.

Either that or the directress had the maturity and logic skills of Bill Clinton - and my 4 year old.

Human formation my eye.

Anonymous said...

"Her hand did, but not her, and she couldn't be responsible for what her hand did (like we have no control over our hands!!)"

That was probably Maciel's reasoning.......his dick did it! He had no control over that. He cannot be held responsible for the actions of his penis.

Astounding. So spiritually retarded (like only believing the bad things you actually see with your own eyes)........the thinking is that of a three year old. And THIS is the spirituality we have had shoved down our throats as being so utterly superior to anything else in the Church today?!

Anonymous said...

Hang in there, The French.

It takes a while to purge yourself of all the legion's brainwashing and "methodology" that corrupted our souls, poisoned our minds, clouded our judgment and rendered us incapable of helathy, positive growth and personal relationships.

But the fact that you write so candidly and clearly makes me think that you are on the right path. And you kind of have to accept, as so many of us have, that we will bear this cross forever. Some get their fingers cut off in a freak accident, some are confined to a wheelchair, some have diabetes. We have legion syndrome and the sideeffcts include nightmares, cynicism, mistrust of priests and religious, flashes of anger and resentment.

Do what I did- go back to those countries where you used to live as an LC and drink, smoke, laugh, party and have fun. Rome really is great. Spain is beautiful. Mexico...eh, still sucks.

Remember you're not alone. And most of all- you did NOTHING wrong. NOTHING. It took me years to realize that. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. NOTHING.

-9 years of lies

(a rare, sensitive PG side. don't get comfortable with it)

Anonymous said...

Mexico sucks? Probably it does to your LC sensibility, you can't stand poor people, right? Need a detox, mate (well, we have ample proof of that).

Anonymous said...

Dude, why the hate?

Can't take a joke?

I spent more time in Mexico then I care to remember- and let me assure you: no one hates the poor more than Mexicans. Generally speaking they are more racist, more discriminatory than any other country I lived in (and I lived in 4).

As for detox- tell Fr. Balleres to send me a briefcase full of oxycoton like the ones I smuggled back and forth like a fucking drug mule so that the beloved founder could get stoned.

Chill out buddy boy. Your "LC sensibilities" haven't allowed you to relax.

-9 years of lies

(PS- when we contract swine flu, think of Mexico)

Anonymous said...

"No one hates the poor more than Mexicans". Really? Which Mexicans, those sucked in by your wonderful outfit?
Outright racist, too.

Anonymous said...

There is a lot of racism and classism in Mexico, but I wouldn't say they hate the poor. Mexico is a very complex country, with many very serious problems, corruption and nepotism high on the list.

A friend of mine worked for an international bank in England in the fraud dept. Her job was to investigate fraud charges of employees. In her last year in England she investigate 2. She moved to Mexico, and upon arriving they put 182 on her desk...that's all they had in the past six months!!!!!

A lot of the classism and elitism I saw in Mexico I also saw in RC/LC. It's why some were treated as favorites and others as slaves, just like the Mexicans pay their "senoras" 20 dollars a day to cook and clean for them and think they are being generous when they give them Christmas off.