Thursday, June 5, 2008
Those Old Return Nightmares Return
"So, it had been a while since I had a dream where I was consecrated. Last night, I dreamt that I was an ex-consecrated and attending a YFE or some sort of reunion event with all sorts of consecrated and legionaries. All the directors and people kept looking at me and knowing I did not belong. In the dream, it was my Mom's plan to go to the event because she wanted to show off her two consecrated daughters. (My sister had also been consecrated in my dream.) What upset me about the dream was that I had this happy contented feeling the whole way through. It's like my psyche constantly reminds me that I thought I would be happy as a consecrated. The reality was not contentment - it was anxiety, loneliness, and depression. I hate those dreams, though, because it takes a while to remind myself that my dream of consecrated life did not come true and I am no longer consecrated, nor dreaming that. Which makes it painful to wake up every morning I have that dream."
From M. at The Lotus Point Blog